Ten rejected blog post titles

Photo by  Nicholas Punter  on  Unsplash

Photo by Nicholas Punter on Unsplash

At some point this year I committed myself to writing at least one blog post a week, because content is king, baby, and because I’m trying to drive people here so that they’ll put an email address into that little red box that’s popping up at the bottom of your screen right about now. That’s so I can send you, dear reader, a free book — like a dealer on a corner giving out samples of their hyper-addictive pharmaceutical wonders so they get addicted to them and have to buy book two. Something like that, at any rate. It’s a whole content marketing thing, like what Bill Hicks used to rant about.

I’m going to be honest, sometimes coming up with blog post ideas interesting enough to get people like you onto this page and then entertained enough to click on the free book offer is gosh-dang tiring, dagnabbit. Especially at the tail end of NaNoWriMo, when I need all my energy for cranking out meaningless words I’ll undoubtedly throw away later.

Today I’ve come up with endless blog post titles, and then abandoned them all like shopping carts on Black Friday. Don’t lie, how many did you abandon?

Since I am a generous person, I thought I’d leave them here, in case anyone else wants them. You know, like someone claiming they’ve left their piss-stained sofa on the front lawn in case someone else wants it, and not just because they don’t want to pay someone else to take it to the tip for them.

So here’s ten rejected blog post titles that I can’t be arsed to write but you could if you wanted.

  1. Top five remedies for staving off high energy septic anxiety bubbles.

  2. 90’s alternative rock is my warm safe place and I want to go live in a Nada Surf album

  3. Ten things I’ve learned from writing twenty short stories in a month that have made me want to die

  4. Brexit is a bad thing and maybe if we all just click our heels together at the same time it’ll disappear

  5. Snorkles – myth or monster?

  6. Microsoft Powerpoint – History’s greatest monster?

  7. Why your assumption that Kurt Cobain wrote Hole’s Live Through This album means you’re a terrible person.

  8. All companies that have three letter abbreviated names are evil, probably.

  9. Is it better to get your dopamine hit through chocolate or social media and which is worse for society?

  10. Ten rejected blog post titles. 

So, if you’re an aspiring ‘content generator’ and you want to write a post guaranteed to be read by literally ‘some’ people, feel free to use one of these. Or two. Hell, link back here in the comments, if you like. Then we can all cower in the corner, sobbing at the way our lives have turned out.

if you’ve felt emotionally connected to one of these titles but you don’t want to write it, why not show your thanks by putting your email in the red box below (you probably already closed it, that’s fine) or by clicking on one of the links that are written in italics below to denote that the main content of the blog post is over now and it’s time for me to sell you something?

Blood on the Motorway: An apocalyptic trilogy of murder and stale sandwiches is out now in ebook and print from Amazon and all other good bookstores. You can get the first book free by joining my mailing list or read along at Wattpad. Oh, and I’ve got a Patreon.