I’ve just returned from the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to, and I am, quite frankly, floating on air. Little place called Paris. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

Maybe it’s the swell of European pride of the staunch anti-Brexiter living in my blackened little heart. Maybe it’s the lure of the air of culture and creativity that seems to pour out from the very foundations of the city. Maybe it’s the faintly revolutionary fervour seeped into every statue and grand building. Or maybe it’s just that the place is insanely and preposterously beautiful. I mean, I knew it would be, but the sheer scale of wondrous beauty did take me back a bit.

I spent five days wandering open-mouthed around its splendour, following on from five days wandering about Disneyland with much the same level of awe. Yes, I know it’s all very crass and commercial and not meant to be enjoyed by sensible people with sensible taste, but I got on stage with Groot and engaged in a level of Dad Dancing unparalleled in Western Society and made my family look like they might expire from laughter. So stick that up your pipe.

Probably my highlight of the whole trip was going up to Montmartre, the artistic district, where the painters and writers sit resplendently in the Paris sunshine, creating away in the same chairs that once held the posteriors of the likes of Picasso and van Gogh. Well, they’ve probably changed the chairs since then, but you get the drift. I almost wished I had my laptop with me so that I could get on with some hard-core Parisian creation, but then I remembered I was on holiday and came to my senses.

Anyway, Paris, je t’aime. You magnificent bloody city, you.

Paul Stephenson is a writer of horror and science fiction novels. Blood on the Motorway: An apocalyptic trilogy of murder and stale sandwiches is out now in ebook and print from Amazon and all other good bookstores. You can get the first book free by joining the mailing list or reading along at Wattpad. Oh, and he’s got a Patreon. Sign up for free books, a free weekly short story, and much more.


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