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In this time of #goldenshowers, blank dossiers, Home Secretaries preaching hate to their own conference, incoming Trumpageddon, and U2 touring again, I don’t really want to be the one to add further ill tidings. Really I don’t. So it is with a heavy heart and a sombre voice that I have some terrible news to impart.

My subscription to Sky Movies has less than thirty days left to run.

I’ll just stand back and let that sink in.

I know, devastating, isn’t it? As much as I’d like to be able to claim this is all because of us tearing up our contract with the Murdockian devil in an act of political defiance, I can’t. It’s just that our six month half price offer has finally expired. I know, I’m hanging my head in shame for giving him six months of my money, even at half price.

The worst thing is, that once it has gone, it’ll take all of the movies I recorded to my TiVo box with in, in an act of pettiness equivalent to that being displayed by the President Elect. This means that from now until the 9th of February, I have to do some hardcore film-watching. No, wait, not like that.

Here’s all the films I currently have recorded:

  • Tomorrowland: A World Beyond
  • Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
  • Trainwreck
  • The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
  • Crimson Peak
  • The Survivalist
  • Time Out of Mind
  • Selma
  • Mistress America
  • Inherent Vice
  • The Theory of Everything
  • Steve Jobs
  • Grandma
  • Birdman
  • Joy
  • Midnight Special
  • 10 Cloverfield Lane
  • The Witch

Now, bearing in mind that my good lady wife wants to see all these films too, that we have two young children, we both work a hell of a lot, and that I’m spending five days in a completely different country, the chances are we’re not going to get to all these. So, in order to help us select which ones we’re going to prioritise, I need your help. That’s right, imagine there’s a mocked up American Army recruitment poster here of some kind. I need you to let me know which ones you’d see first, so that we can use those comments in pitched battle when we can’t agree which film is worthier of watching than the others.

Done? Okay, you can go back to reading about Trump again. Cheers.

No, wait! I almost forgot. Sleepwalk City comes out tomorrow! So, why not sun out now and bag yourself the pre-order, and help it rocket with up the charts upon release? Seriously, it'd really help. For more details, head here, and click on one of the boxes.

Blood on the Motorway – An apocalyptic tale of murder and stale sandwiches, is available on Amazon, iBooks, Kobo and more besides.

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Welcome to Discovery Park – the chronicle of my increasingly frustrated attempt to listen to every album on Rolling Stone's Top 500 Albums of all-time list, is available now on Amazon Uk, Amazon.com, iBooks, Kobo, and many more.